I'm Not Waving I'm Drowning

Recently I have had this intense ache and yearn to be home and comfortable with all that WAS familiar to me. So to cope with all of this, instead of talking to someone like a normal person would do, I’ve been listening to Ryan Long (a YL artist) who says it so perfectly in the song below.

I’m not waving I’m drowning

I’m starting to doubt

That I will ever be anything but alone

I fall on my knees and I’m begging you please

Take all my pain and give me some peace

Can you save me I’m drowning

Upon your door I’m pounding

Take from me my fear take all my shame

‘Cause I can’t make it anymore on my own

You know its funny how God can change you in ways that you would have never expected. For example, in the YoungLife words of Drew and Molly Teague, if you REALLY knew me you would know that I never get homesick. I love to be away and do my own thing. HA..Can I just admit that I’ve never been more homesick than now.

After processing all of this I told myself to stop. To stop thinking about tomorrow. To stop counting down the days till I’ll be embracing my family at the baggage claim in the Jacksonville, FL airport. To stop NOT living in the moment that the Lord has provided for me.  I have been constantly thanking God for stretching me in this experience in a number of ways. Even when it hurts, I know He works things for my good.

“The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless.” Isaiah 40:28-29

In closing, I can assure you that this crazy, loud laughing blonde girl has a whole new vision and heart for these last 2 months that I have in this amazing country of Sierra Leone.

P.s.- Please pray that the Lord will heal my Pawpaw! 

An Unforgettable Celebration

I don't think I've ever experienced such a "full" Easter week or weekend. The staff that organized it truly did a phenomenal job and I can only imagine all the hours and effort it took in planning and preparing for this great celebration. I am forever grateful for this Easter and all that I participated in.

Thursday evening myself and three of my roommates went out to Deck 7 to wash each other's feet. What is it about washing someones feet that you truly feel like you've blessed them? It's such a sacred thing that truly allows me to relate with Jesus in such a divine way. From there we headed to the "Upper Room" where we knelt at ten stations, praying and reading passages in Mark leading up to the crucifixion and then ending with communion. Later that evening I went to the International Lounge to visit "The Garden of Gethsemane". I cannot even begin to describe the decorations. As I knelt there gazing upon the cross, hearing the sweet sounds of a garden, I challenged myself with this,

"So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:40-41

So, for an hour I sat in the garden, on my knees, praying to the One who makes me whole. I cannot express to you how amazing it was but, I can challenge you to do the same.

Friday began with an unforgettable Good Friday service. The setting alone allowed you to easily humble yourselves before the cross. This was not your typical service with chairs and a formal program. There was more of an intimate feel as we all knelt around the cross, allowing ourselves to truly focus on the act of great love that the Lord showed us that day.

Easter morning most of my roommates and I were up at 6:30 to attend the sunrise service out on deck. Now, this was not my typical sunrise service. Instead of being with my family enjoying the sunrise service we usually attend every year out on the beach in Hilton Head, I was on a boat looking out into the town of Freetown. I couldn't help but smile as we sang and worshiped yesterday morning and felt like those surrounding me were truly my family.

Loved the center piece!

Ending the weekend with an unbelievable brunch I was somewhat assured that this Easter will never compare to the rest. Unfortunately, I did have to work all weekend but, it brought tears to my eyes when my family called me at the desk wishing me a Happy Easter :) Oh how I miss them greatly.

An Africa Mercy Easter

Thought I'd just update you a little on the ship life! It's always an experience, but this week sure will be special. Here's our itinerary for the week!

Easter is no big deal or anything around here ;) I can honestly say that this will be a very memorable Easter besides the fact that I will not be with my family. Happy Easter!

Blessed by the Fatima Orphanage

Yesterday me and about five other Mercy Shippers headed up the country to visit the Fatima orphanage. Edward, the owner of the orphanage and his wife are truly two amazing people. As we pulled up to the front of the house I knew that these children were going to bless me that morning.

Edward gave us a tour of the home, showing us all the rooms and land. One "building" housed the boys, and one for the girls. It was interesting because all of the girls put their beds together to form a big pallet and allow more space, whereas the boys were more territorial and each had "their bed." Haha, boys. Edward provided each child with one plate of rice a day, an education, and electricity for two hours in the evening to do their studies.

 I'm sorry, but I've come to a realization that no matter how long I sit here fighting myself, trying to find the words to express the heart ache I felt while visiting this orphanage, no words will satisfy me. I'm continually fighting this battle of, How can I make you, the reader, feel what I felt? How do I explain what I saw in words that makes you inspired to go on a journey like mine? I want to make an impact. A thousand words and a hundred pictures will never conquer the battle.

I guess I'm just here to say that the Lord really spoke to me and shined through yesterday as I played paddle ball with Victor and laughed with Samuel, Abu and Sayo as we tried to keep an inflatable ball off the ground. It's amazing what joy those boys showed me in just a simple game of ball.  After getting to know the boys and earning their trust, it inspired me to seek this place out and to develop a great friendship with them. I cannot tell you how adorable it was to see them running after the car as we waved goodbye through the windows and Samuel yelling, "Goodbye Claire!"

What a blessing it was to see that this man gave up his own land for his family to house over 30 children who had lost their parents in the war. Edward, simply a man after God's heart. I desire all that he had. I hope someday my heart will be as big as his.

The View From My Backyard

I took these photos while squashed in a poda poda so please excuse the not so great quality!

Whenever I walk into town I always find it difficult to manage walking without running into anyone or stepping in piles of garbage just laying in the streets. There's so much to look at and take in EVERY TIME I go into town. Every experience is different and I love that about this place.

The smell of the city comes from all of the piles of burning garbage but clearly it doesn't keep a child from playing!

The view of Freetown after a drive upcountry.

Oh the Joy's of Water Restrictions

Currently at the moment, Captain Tim has informed us all of no showers, no water, and no laundry. We have had to cut our water off because we are running extremely low and receiving water here is quite a process. Once we actually get the water it takes three days for it to be treated and such. At the moment we have enough to continue surgeries on Monday but, have no idea when things will be back to normal.

Honestly though, I think I can suffer with no shower so that children and adults will be given hope and healing. It's about them, not myself. May I ask that you will pray for us during this situation and that things will fall back into place soon so that we do not have to cancel any surgeries. Thank you dear friends!


*Photos to come!*

Dr. Engle

Today I had the opportunity to go down to the hospital and observe two different surgeries. I think there's something about wearing scrubs, hospital shoes, a mask, and an OR cap that makes you just feel professional. Yet, I look somewhat ridiculous haha but, here's a photo just for the fun of it!

They begin all surgeries by praying over the patient and then they play christian music during the whole surgery, such a neat experience. Not going to lie, I was a little worried how well I would be able to take seeing a surgery up close and personal like this. Nonetheless, I was a little apprehensive considering my friend yesterday fainted while she was observing and the surgeon began to take photos of her! Haha

The first surgery I watched was a young boy who had a minor case of bow legs. I could not believe that they actually use a real drill, hammer and chisel. The orthopaedic surgeon explained what he was doing throughout the surgery but I could only understand so much of their lingo.

The second surgery dealt with a lady who had a growth on her parotid gland. It was a very severe case in which they were not sure if it was cancerous or not and wouldn't be able to tell until the surgeon would cut into it. It was quite disturbing to watch as the surgeon would pull back the skin and cut along side of the growth trying not to pinch any facial nerves.

It was nice to feel like part of the hospital for an hour out of my day but, I don't think I'll plan on pursuing the nursing field. What an awesome experience though to see all of that! It's something that I would never get to see back home. Adventures, what a beautiful thing :)

A Cry From Within

Yesterday late afternoon after I had worked in the morning a group of us went out to Lakka Beach and enjoyed visiting with the locals, live music, the ocean, and the gorgeous scenery. First, let me just say it was an adventure in and of it self just getting there. Instead of taking one of the Mercy Ship Landrovers we decided to just take a poda-poda. What the heck is that? Basically it is a very rundown van with wooden benches, very unsafe, very uncomfortable but provides a cheap way of transportation. We fit 16 people in ours, pretty sure the locals would laugh at us when they can cram normally around 20 plus people. Just imagine yourself sitting on this wooden bench with fabric nailed ontop just to give it some character, did I mention that the bench has an extended seat that you can pull out to fit extra people on once you close the van the door? HA yes, brilliant right? Yes, your bum feels like death by the time you finally reach your destination.

As I was sitting in my chair just looking out into the ocean, observing and taking everything in a little boy came up to me carrying a cooler on top of his head. He just sat right in front of me, there in the sand and said, "Will you please help me?" I responded with great joy, "Hello. What is your name? How are you?"

Emmanuel was 11 years old although, he looked more like 7 because we was little and malnourished. As I began to carry on the conversation and ask him his favorite things my heart hurt as he replied saying, "I want your help. My Mother is dead and I cannot find my Father. All I want to do is go to school. I want to learn."

What do you say? How do you respond? All I knew what to do was to show him love. So, right then I looked down and saw my frisbee in my backpack and said," Hey, Emmanuel! Do you want to learn to play some frisbee?" He nodded. As we walked towards the shoreline, away from the crowd, he had lit up and I wish I could've captured his adorable smile. Because this is Africa, as soon as Emmanuel's friends and I saw us playing they all came running over. It was so fun and something I will not forget.

Meeting Emmanuel that day stirred the yearning inside me to continually love on those in need. I may not have the money to provide schooling for the poor little boy but, I can show help in other ways. After saying goodbye to him, I watched him walk away and cried from within that the Lord will protect him and bless him. I pray that I will meet with Emmanuel again someday soon.