Recently I have had this intense ache and yearn to be home and comfortable with all that WAS familiar to me. So to cope with all of this, instead of talking to someone like a normal person would do, I’ve been listening to Ryan Long (a YL artist) who says it so perfectly in the song below.
I’m not waving I’m drowning
I’m starting to doubt
That I will ever be anything but alone
I fall on my knees and I’m begging you please
Take all my pain and give me some peace
Can you save me I’m drowning
Upon your door I’m pounding
Take from me my fear take all my shame
‘Cause I can’t make it anymore on my own
You know its funny how God can change you in ways that you would have never expected. For example, in the YoungLife words of Drew and Molly Teague, if you REALLY knew me you would know that I never get homesick. I love to be away and do my own thing. HA..Can I just admit that I’ve never been more homesick than now.
After processing all of this I told myself to stop. To stop thinking about tomorrow. To stop counting down the days till I’ll be embracing my family at the baggage claim in the Jacksonville, FL airport. To stop NOT living in the moment that the Lord has provided for me. I have been constantly thanking God for stretching me in this experience in a number of ways. Even when it hurts, I know He works things for my good.
“The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless.” Isaiah 40:28-29
In closing, I can assure you that this crazy, loud laughing blonde girl has a whole new vision and heart for these last 2 months that I have in this amazing country of Sierra Leone.
P.s.- Please pray that the Lord will heal my Pawpaw!
love the shout out!!!! thanks...praying you would cling to Jesus as you finish your time there...praying you would know Jesus in a new way these last 2 months!! love you friend!
ReplyDeleteClaire, I thought this scripture may encourage you as you try NOT counting down the days on the Mercy Ship!
ReplyDeletePsalm 143:8 & 10 ~
8 "Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you."
10 "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing."
Once again, thank you for sharing...your honesty is so refreshing and challenges me to do the same with others. Praying for you and your Pawpaw!
Love,
Darla